Issues and Online Dating

My daughter was right, it is kind of fun 'creepin on guys'. I think it is really good for me to be looking ahead. Planning on having a future...without my X.

So I have been searching online to see if I can find any cute guys and I have learned quite a few things by reading a ton of profiles. Let me enlighten you....

There is a difference between a man that was 'burned' by his wife and a man that has lost his wife and is ready to love again. There is a lot to learn by the type of pictures the person posts...if they are mostly head shots and a ton of pictures of his kids...self conscious about his looks and loves his kids.  If he is posting pictures of his boat and other toys...probably doesn't have much going on with his own kids...unless his kids are all over the boat. Some label the pictures by the event, such as, Christmas 2011 or 'day at the park'. These men seem to be a little more humble and less 'stuck on themselves' if that means anything to you. Others label the pictures 'all about them' with things like Me and my friends, Me at the beach, Me with a beard, etc.. And the obvious...'I am trying to get a woman to interact with me and who knows what I am really like'. This kind of profile reminds me of the commercials about identity theft like this one: funny theft identity commercial

For example, one man from Europe was trying to get me to correspond with him and was saying all these wonderful things and I finally asked him, "You do see that I have 5 kids, right?"  Yeah...never heard from him again...what a surprise :)

And yes...there are the older men that keep telling me, "You just need someone that will treat you right."

So...how does this relate to my therapy?

Man...how does it not?

Ok...so I am thinking more and more about what I would want in a spouse...kind of a weird idea...do I want to marry someone that is rich and never had kids that wants to travel and spoil me?  That is attractive, I must say. Do I want someone that will be by my side and just want to sit with me and watch movies?  Hold my hand and go for walks on the beach? Someone that will be patient and help my kids as they struggle with everything that is going on? Do I find someone that has a ton of kids and play 'Yours, Mine, and Ours' ?

Here is a sad thought...

Do I want to just let my X take care of my kids (the ones that want to live with him) because I do think I have issues with emotionally connecting to my kids (see my post Disassociation and Loving My Kids). Then I could marry some successful man that wants someone to share his life...sigh...what kind of crappy mother am I if I am even thinking that? Or I would start to think how I could convince a man what a wonderful mother I would be to his children when I feel like I am such a crappy mother to my own kids...

Then I think about how I can't even feel like I can love anyone..how the heck can I love someone else...

yeah...then I go online and see if there is anyone new...I guess it doesn't hurt to look? It is nice to think there are people out there that have felt something similar to what I have experienced...at least they have an idea of how I feel...that part is nice...

Who knows?  I sure don't....sigh...life is not for wimps!