Well...I am engaged. Yes...what I never thought would happen..has happened...and it is better than I ever thought it would be.
Don't get me wrong...there will be issues! But the difference that I can see is that we want to solve them together. We have a couple of months before we marry and we are laughing that even grocery shopping together is fun. Christmas shopping was a blast! He is interested in what the kids want, trying to find something that will make them happy - not just 'be a gift for the amount we said we would spend'. It is a whole new world...and I think I like it.
We are going to try and cancel my sealing - things have gone so much better since we made that decision. I am still doing well with intimacy. I will confess I am a little nervous about our wedding night...but even that anxiety is getting better. Let's just say you should never underestimate the power of an emotional connection.
He wanted to join a group that dances once a week and I finally decided to go. It was a good decision. It has allowed me to become more accustom to his touch in a 'stress free' environment. Well..if you call dancing stress free...lol! It has helped me to want to anticipate his moves and work together. To want to be close to him and just enjoy doing something together. If anyone else out there is in a similar situation to me...feel free to think about joining a dance class. Besides, it is fun :) I will say it is the first time that I have been part of a group that is not school or church. It is a very diverse group and kind. It is fun! Seriously, think about it...
So...how I am I feeling?
For the first time I truly want to 'be pretty' for someone. I want him to look at me and smile and be just like I dreamed...that he can look at me from the across the room and I can see how much he loves me. We were at a dance last night and one of our friends was teasing us that we are all 'giddy and puppy dog in love'. It felt wonderful.
Granted, our kids get grossed out. We just love being next to each other..doing anything together. One of my daughters has talked about that when she marries, she wants to be very affectionate with her spouse...but apparently that doesn't mean she wants to see us kiss...lol! But, the other night I could see a few of my kids enjoying the two of us. We were joking about politics and other silly things. It seemed so 'normal' and the kids were happy. I was thinking about why and I think part is that there was an adult man and woman that all cared about them...it was nice to see them happy.
Which gets to me...planning a wedding/reception was not something I wanted to do a second time. This time it is different...I just feel that I want to have a good time and have fun. I want my friends to be happy with me. I feel that for so long I have been avoiding activities because I didn't want to go alone...not participating in things because I was single...etc...
When I thought about getting married...I thought...we should just elope! But a friend of mine said, "You need to let us celebrate love! Let your kids see you in love and your friends supporting you!" So...that is kinda what we are doing. Just thinking more about how we want to have a good time with friends...not so much 'everything has to be perfect'. Just...we want to throw a party. I don't know if that makes any sense...but...that is our plan.
Sidebar - my friends are much more responsible and helpful at this age...lol!
So...I am not too worried about my wedding night..because I know that he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me or pressure me...and I love him.
I am seeing a whole new path ahead of me. I will confess, I was kinda to the point that I figured the blessings of an eternal companion would have to wait until the next life. But the Lord had a different plan...He loves me and he loves 'my man' :).
I can hardly wait to get started on our life together...sharing our dreams as well as our burdens...it will be...and it is...a wonderful life and I have every right to be happy!