I was my daughter's escort yesterday...what a wonderful experience...wow...sigh...all of that and more.
My daughter talked about going just she and I. She has been having a 'internal moral debate' ever since she decided to go on a mission trying to decide if she wanted her father there...I have to say..it broke my heart a few times...she decided at the last minute that she shouldn't exclude him...so that is what we did...sigh...
Most of his family doesn't like me anymore (ok...let's say all of his family doesn't like me except 2 sisters in law) ...this was 'cemented' in my unconsciousness when my son one time commented, "Uncle ---- ....hates you now!" Yeah...thanks...he used to be one of my favorite brothers in law too...it doesn't help that my X has a huge family...so many more people to hate me...sigh...
Anyway...we were at the Temple...things were going well...I felt my mother's presence so strong...she is so proud...so many family members are...I was trying to feel good about myself and know that I was doing the right thing...I was smiling (at least a time or two) towards his family (well...except the sister in law that likes me...she comes up to hug me every time she sees me and tells me how much she loves me...she is definitely the exception).
When we were finished and back in the changing room and I was waiting for my daughter...I saw my X's mother sitting there and thought...Ok...be the better person...it won't kill you to go ask if her family is ok or something simple like that....As I start to walk over there...a woman walks by me and looks me straight in the eye and says, "What a beautiful blouse you are wearing" gives me a beautiful smile and walks away...I am wearing the blouse I bought for my mother's funeral...when I wanted to feel pretty and let my mother know that I was doing my best to be beautiful to honor her....so I walk over to stand near my X's mother...she is talking to someone and while I am waiting...feeling a little anxious...wishing I didn't have to feel this way...wishing I had some family of my own to tell me they were proud of me..wishing I could share this with someone that truly loved me...wishing my brothers weren't such jerks...wishing that I was not alone...I notice a lady is folding her clothes up and looks at me with a smile and says, "What an elegant lady!" She was actually talking kind of loud for the Temple.I smile at her and she continues, "I have been watching you today...you are beautiful, simply elegant...I saw you walking across the parking lot when you came in." I just kind of looked at her for a minute and I started to tear up...I walked over to her and thanked her for saying what she had said. She just smiled and said, "I just love tall women and I have been watching you...I just wanted to tell you." We chatted for a few minutes and then I saw his mother leave without even looking at me...my daughter came out and then we left...guess I didn't really need to talk to her.
I think my mother was looking for people to tell me what she wanted to tell me but I couldn't hear...as I thought about it..the feelings that I had...there was a different intensity to the things this women said to me...I truly feel that my mother was communicating with me...I feel her love so strong...I know that those we love are close...they are here for us...they want to help us...they want to tell us how much they care...how proud they are of us...they want us to know we are not alone...
I was talking to my daughter...she made a comment a few weeks ago..asking if things were going to get better or worse while she was gone on her mission...I told her I hoped they would get better...
This concern of hers has now changed to..."I am excited to see how things are going to be when I get back...I know they will be different...I mean it...I AM excited...you are getting exponentially better..and well.. and that just makes everything better...I am excited to see how things are when I return.
Oh my dear child...I am excited to see how things are when you return also....
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