What makes relationships 'move quickly'? And my boundaries still suck....

Ok...I am dating my new guy...and he has said many times that pace is important and he moves slowly. Sigh...what the heck is that supposed to mean? What is slow? What is fast? Aren't I supposed to just follow my feelings? After all, what did NOT following my feelings do for me...or not even being able to 'feel' my feelings...nothing good. Sigh...I just don't understand anything between 'friends' and 'intimate relationship'. I feel like I am either 'in or out'....I guess that isn't what everyone else thinks?

So I started talking to my new guy...asking him WHO he is? Telling him that 'who he is' is different than 'what he likes to do'. We exchanged some good texts about things...I was asking things like, "What makes you cry, if anything?" "What makes you happy?" "What makes you feel good about yourself?" etc.  It is interesting that as he was answering I was realizing that these types of conversations are what 'deepen' a relationship. So I guess the more we talk about things the more connected I can feel to him? At first we were just doing dinner and movies for our dates...and it was easy to not feel that we were 'moving' in the relationship. But is was weird because we were going out at least once a week for over a month and a half. We would talk about all kinds of things at dinner, work, interests, etc. But nothing 'deep'. A few times I mentioned potentially 'deep or depressing' things such as my mom's death or my divorce and he would act like he wanted to keep it 'happy'. It was just weird for me because the other relationships I had online - that was the focus...share all the skeletons in your closet...and then see if it is worth the effort to see each other. But he just seems to want to 'hang out and have fun'. Hmmmm...that probably has some type of meaning that everyone else understands too...everyone but me.

Anyway...we went for a walk Saturday and I talked about some of my issues and he seemed ok with it. Then we were texting back and forth yesterday and we were talking about 'who' we are....so...maybe it is ok? I told him that I just want to be open and up front with things...and one of the things that is important to me is that I want to 'be understood' and I am not going to assume anything about anything.

Another thing that is weird is that I am seeing people in my ward as we are going out and then I feel that my kids should probably meet him, just to know who he is...nothing more. My plan was to not have 'men parade through the house' and not introduce them to anyone unless I felt there was a strong possibility that I would marry the man. The current man I am dating is no where near that point. So I am seeing him when my kids are with their dad. But I am concerned that the people I am running into will make comments to my kids. For example, "Hey, I saw your mom out with some guy...do you like him?" And of course, my kids would respond, "I have no idea, I have never met him." It just seems wrong. The best scenario would be to have him 'swing by and pick me up' and then have a quick introduction. But they aren't at my house when we go out...plus we just meet somewhere..he has never been to my house. So, I talked to my kids. I explained that I wasn't 'bringing home your new dad' but just 'we are dating'. They didn't seem to care, except my oldest boy (the one that lives with his dad) and he wants to meet him. He thought I should invite him over and make dinner and all watch a movie together. Yeah..NO...I'm not doing that. Sigh...I guess I'll just have to keep thinking about that one...

So, I think I am going out again with him on Thursday..it is kind of a 'permanent date' thing that we have been doing for the last month and a half. It will be interesting to see if he acts any different after all our discussions...the whole.."are we further along in our relationship" question. My online guy is always bugging me about I need more patience...I just need to wait...it will happen if I don't push it. I just don't understand how to do that...

What gets me is that I really don't understand where the boundaries are...I mean we are either friends...or we are dating and considering marriage...I don't know where the different stages or levels are..very frustrating as I try to not appear needy or pushy and I don't really know what I need or what I am pushing..sigh...

He has made a couple of comments about 'pacing' and I am just not sure what that means...I guess I am just thinking...I don't know how much I like you...and I have 'intimacy issues' so I want to know if you will freak me out if we kiss for any length of time and I want to know how I feel when you kiss me so I would like to kiss a bit (more than a couple of good night kisses) so I can actually have time to figure out how I feel...but then I think that I am violating some boundary...if I were to ask someone they would probably say..."Just do what feels natural...don't have any hidden agenda...no control issues" But I don't always recognize my control issues...and I am trying to 'feel' and respond to my feelings and that puts me back into the 'control issues' category...sigh..I guess I'll see if I 'scared him off'...I haven't heard from him today....

Tell me again why I want to do this?