Friends...committed relationship...what's in between?

Ok...I am still dating movie dude...and I enjoy his company. He was very hurt by his first marriage many years ago and will barely talk about it. He did say that he doesn't ever want to hurt like that again and so he just 'nips things in the bud' before they can get serious. As a result, he tells me almost every time we go out..."Feel free to keep looking." or "I don't want to stop you from reaching your goal." or "I know you need a spiritual partner to go to the Temple with." or the best one..."I don't mind if you go out with other guys, I trust you." Sigh....

I have been thinking...there must be a purpose for him to be in my life. A reason that 'God put him in my way'...Anyone seen the movie The Four Feathers with Heath Ledger? I love a line from that movie, the main character is being helped by an unlikely friend and is asked why? The friend's response is, "God put you in my way!" I think about that a lot when I think about the men that have come into my life. I truly feel that 'God put them in my way' ...or as in the case of my 'Online Guy' maybe God put me in his way?

I think the purpose of movie dude is to help me understand what exists between a friendship with a man and a committed relationship. I don't have much experience in that area...and I am finding it refreshing. We enjoy each others company yet we are not limited to only interacting with each other. I know he isn't going out with anyone else right now...but it is interesting to think that it is an option. I am trying to process how this affects my emotional connection. Or if there is an emotional connection yet? I feel that I do not need to 'tell him everything' that I am doing. I am not 'obligated to confess' if I talk to another man. It is a very different experience. I do have to confess that I have a completely different perspective on the kids that 'dated around' when I was in high school and I am seeing the wisdom of that concept.

So I am looking forward to better understanding 'the in between' relationship. The ability to care about someone and not have it consume me. The ability to express affection without it meaning I am not 'shackled' to someone.Don't get me wrong, I would not feel this way if I was in a committed relationship, that is a different story. But I think it is a good place for me...a place for me to better understand my emotions and feelings.

Sigh...I am so not ready to get married....besides...if I wait another year and a half...I will have 3 kids over 18 and that will have a huge impact on the drama of my life...and I am thinking I need to start a marriage with as little drama as possible. I don't care how committed we are to each other...we need to be able to nurture the good...and have time to really bond and get to know each other. I think they call that...'Setting yourself up for Success!' That is what I want to do...I want my final relationship to succeed!