So...I've been looking online for a month or so...Wow..there are a lot of guys out there!
It is interesting what I can pick up from their responses...I have found that if I say something about their picture...they will then look at my profile and sometimes message me. I am having fun with this quite a bit. For example...I saw a profile of a man that was 20 years younger than me...I message and say, "Here's to hoping you like older women!" Well..I got a message back a few days later..."Do you like younger men?" Ok, I know it isn't even a smart thing to think about...but I gotta say...I was having some fun there for a bit.
Then you know what I realized? I was smiling more...I started joking with my kids more. I was happier. Maybe opening my heart up to the idea of having a man in my life would make it easier to love my children. Maybe it isn't possible to close off a section of your heart and not have it affect other parts as well. Maybe I would be able to open up my heart and love a man...if that man was the right man....maybe...
So...dating at my age (let's just say most of the men had grandchildren) is a whole new ball game. My friend gave me some counsel...she said, "There is less rejection at our age because everyone is just looking for a good fit...so it is more of a...Nawh...I don't think it will work. With neither one wanting to deal with another 'mismatch'" So...here I go...
I have messaged some guys...chatted with some others...and actually talked on the phone with some. Crazy how fast it turns into...well...I don't want to get married yet...too soon after my divorce, death of my spouse, etc. Or...well...this might work...we have lots of things in common. Completely different world...
So...where am I right now? Well...I am talking to a guy quite a bit...we both have baggage (who doesn't nowadays?) and the best part about him? He listens to me...truly listens...and just talking to him and having him listen...is making my heart open. He talks about how he would treat me...he tells me I can ask him anything I want (I think I have asked him about 200 questions - and he has answered every single one...not been crabby, moody or annoyed..he answers and then says, "What else do you want to know?"...and it is a whole different world from the one I have been living in. And so now I am wondering...it is real? Is this the 'love and passion' that other people have in their relationships? People that don't have 'touch issues' and everything else that messes with your ability to have healthy relationships? Or....is this just the tip of the ice berg? And it can be so much better...I can't even fathom it...
Am I scared.? yes.
Am I worried I will screw up my life again? yes.
Am I afraid of having a man come towards me that is 'reeking' sexual energy? yes.
If it happens (I meet a man that is attracted to me) will I run away like I have all my life? no, I want to live the life I was meant to live...I want to love with all the love inside of me...to share it with someone that will give it back and maybe even more. In order for this to happen I will have to open up my heart and feel and get hurt and be afraid and not run. I don't think the Lord helped me to come all this way to have me fail...so...wish me luck!
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