Out of the refiner's fire can come a glorious deliverance...it is part of the purging toll exacted by some to become acquainted with God. By James E. Faust

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I survived my honeymoon :)

First off...Temple cancellation of sealings are online now just like when missionaries are doing their papers. Our response (after we had the responses from our ex spouses) took only 2 weeks. So don't hesitate to try and get married in the Temple a second time if it is what you really want to do. The Lord is aware.

I can't believe how our ring ceremony went. His family is almost all non members so we had a ring ceremony. I can't believe how relaxed I was. How happy I was just to be with him and share how happy I was feeling.

I knew it would be weird for our kids...especially mine. (I was single much longer than he was) We made a point of having 'cool outfits' for our kids so they felt awesome and beautiful. I think it worked. They were all strutting around feeling special.

I know that we have problems ahead. But I just can't get over how much I love just being with him. Talking to him. Dreaming with him. Holding him. Being in his arms. It just feels so right and I feel so safe.

We were sealed on one day and then we had our ring ceremony after that. I am very glad that we chose to do it that way. We went to the Temple in the afternoon and then we went to a restaurant for dinner then we were on our way. It wasn't super late. We weren't so tired. It worked out better for us.

The next day we were able to get to our ring ceremony and I didn't have to worry about the wedding night and I was able to enjoy the reception.

The wedding night...

I had some anxiety (as some of you might be able to imagine) and he was so gentle and so aware of me that I soon relaxed in his arms and was able to enjoy myself. We joked at how quickly we became comfortable with each other.

When I think about my first marriage - I remember so much nervousness and stress. When I think about my marriage now I just think how incredible it is to have a partner. (granted I am a little older and wiser...but still).

I am losing my desires to 'fend for myself'' and relaxing as I realize that my husband will always be with me. It is a wonderful, glorious and peaceful feeling. I don't even know how to explain it.

On our honeymoon we were having fun shopping in thrift stores and on our way out someone said..."You are the cutest couple I have ever seen. You are giving me faith that love can exist." We both just smiled. After we got in the car we both talked about how no one had ever said that before.

It's a whole new world.

So...am I struggling with intimacy?

Yes...but not as bad as I thought I would. I think mostly it is my brain and my brain things everything feels so good that it can't process it. So I kinda 'stop' before climaxing. I will say that the first few days I had more excitement than I had during most of my marriage. It is kinda weird because I know I can do it...but then I went through these period when my brain just wouldn't let me feel all the joy.

The interesting part of it was how he dealt with it. He would just love me and tell me how much he loved me and wanted me to be happy and whatever I wanted is what would make him happy. I had never been with a man that could get so much joy from me being happy. I will say that I cried several times as he held me in his arms. It just felt so good - it was almost hard for me to process how good it was. It was hard to feel that I deserved it. That the joy I was feeling I deserved to feel. So, we are working on it. Like everything else we are doing - we are doing it together.

So...my advice?
Don't give up on love.
Don't give up on God.
Don't give up on yourself.

God always has a plan for you and the plan will make you happier than your brain will allow you to process. But little by little...that happiness that is in store for you will sneak in and one day fill your soul.

He isn't perfect and neither and I - but we are perfect for each other. We want to be everything for each other and little by little that is what we are becoming.